I first read the beginning quote in this video, "I think one remains the same person throughout, merely passing, as it were, in these lapses of time from one room to another, but all in the same house." while I was away on my solo trip to Chicago and New York. I remember thinking it was a centralized theme of my life lately, having read similar things said about ourselves and change within ourselves. It was the quote I was looking for on that trip, without realizing. The one I kept turning back to reread and reflect. The one that brought comfort while I felt lost. I was thinking of who I am, I was, have been, will be. It almost felt like my past selves were merely costumes I wore once. And I wish that simplicity were true, but the old selves are still part of me, this new self today. The weather was changing in New York when I was there, turning cooler and I found my spirits lifted, inspiration grew. Coming back to Houston, I changed again with the heat, and now the week of rain has left me feeling new again, washing away all doubts. I was watching old videos I made at 24. How sure I was then, but maybe nostalgia always works that way. I wanted to create something that reflected change… in all of us. And that, while there is always constant change within us, around us, we are merely growing. Changing forms perhaps, trying out new rooms, but always within the house of ourselves. Just as constant as the weather changes, so do we; our thoughts, ideas, dreams, who we want to be… There is a flow, however jagged or blunt it may feel sometimes. And after every storm eventually is sunshine, and the cycle goes. While the model in this video is not me (but a dear friend), i think it is true when they say all art is a self-portrait. I wanted to show the uncertainty we all feel sometimes, and the happiness too. The balance, or rather unbalance of the two. I wanted to highlight how change can feel sometimes, so I paired haydens scream while he was playing the drums with the simplicity of the light changing against the wall. A reflection of our inner selves vs our outer selves we show. I directed and edited this video with detail and particular meaning, though it too has changed from its original conception of a year ago. I have left the imperfections along with it as well, all symbolizing how things change, the beauty in change, that change can mean that was the plan all along, that imperfection and beauty and life are synonymous. I have lived in different rooms, in different houses, in different cities, and there is always more lives to be lived. Always more versions of myself to be. I wanted to create this as a time stamp. Here we all were at 26 and 27 and 28. Mallory as the model, me directing, Hayden and Leo playing the music. All of us changing, growing, morphing, passing through different rooms at different times. All of us battling the strict rules life and art stows upon us, but each of us making our own way at our own time.
Model: Mallory M.
Music: Hayden Hamilton & Leo Rayon (found on Spotify and apple music)
www.brianasoler.com
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