Why is she pulling away? (Short term vs Long term relationships) I’ve been in a few “honeymoon” relationships and was married to a man that I was with for over 12 years. I speak partly from personal experience when talking about what to do when your wife pulls away.
I’ve also spoken with many, many women who’ve left their men and shared with me the reasons why (when they knew why).
However, I feel that because of the many nuances of how long term relationships can deteriorate, I need to emphasize that I’m not a professional therapist and these are my opinions.
In other words, not everything in this video will apply to your personal situation.
Why Is She Pulling Away?
Assuming you haven’t cheated on her or deceived her in some other major way, which is a whole other topic, her pulling away can depend on things like:
1. how long you’ve been together
2. how long she’ been unhappy
How Long You’ve Been Together
There are different stages to relationships, from the honeymoon phase (50 yard dash) to the comfort zone stage (500 meter race) to the endurance phase (pick your long distance marathon!).
The Honeymoon Phase
If you’ve been together a short time, under two years, she might start seeing the relationship for what it really is.
Meaning: not through those rosy-coloured glasses we all have during the honeymoon stage.
In the honeymoon stage we’re chemically programmed to notice all the good stuff about our love interest and less of the so-called bad stuff.
Blame it on hormones if you like, but it’s a biological phenomenon.
So, after awhile — somewhere between 12 and 18 months, usually — those hormones start to calm down and then we see the cracks in the foundation.
Like you leaving your dirty socks and undies all over the place. Or that you flirt with other girls.
She may be pulling away to get enough space to evaluate beliefs, values, goals and wonders if those cracks can withstand the test of time.
The Comfort Zone Phase
Somewhere between two years and say ten — I’m guesstimating here — couples enter the comfort zone phase.
They know each other well enough to be themselves. He leaves the seat up; she doesn’t always shave her legs.
The comfort zone phase feels cozy, like a worn pair of slippers, but it’s also a time when couples stop doing the things they did in the beginning to woo and impress their partner.
They stop trying.
She may be pulling away because she feels taken for granted or bored, even if she’s doing the same thing to you (taking you for granted).
The Endurance Phase
After ten to fifteen years — it varies per couple — partnerships move into the endurance phase.
There’s comfort between the partners and a level of acceptance if not full respect.
You accept each others quirks and may even find them endearing.
She knows how you like your coffee in the morning and you know not to wake her before 7:00 AM. #crankylady
You’ve become accustomed to each others flaws and idiosyncrasies.
If she’s starting to pull away at this time, she may be wondering where her own identity stands and where life itself might be taking her.
Yep, she may be going through the classic midlife crisis.
If she’s going through a midlife crisis, it mostly likely has little to nothing to do with you. She’ll blame you for a range of things that will not make any difference to her happiness even if you give her 110% of what she’s asking for.
But if it’s not a midlife crisis, then she might be resentful of the comfort zone and both your lack of effort.
If she’s been trying to encourage you to do things and she’s also making an effort to woo you, then you need to take responsibility for ignoring these signs.
When a woman in a steady long term relationship pulls away it’s usually because she’s:
1. Uncertain that she’s made the right choice in partner to begin with.
2. Bored because you’ve become complacent in the relationship (you’ve stopped trying to be mysterious); or she’s feeling suffocated because you act needy and put her on a pedestal.
3. Developed into a different person and doesn’t feel like you’re keeping up / still compatible / trying to grow with her.
Ultimately, she’s either lost faith in your masculinity and ability to lead and contribute to the relationship in meaningful ways; is bored by your inability to do your part to stimulate her (mentally/emotionally/sexually); wonders if she’s made the right choices in life (this has nothing to do with you).
Learn how to get and keep her: WakeUP2Luv program:
Disclaimer: I'm not a licenced therapist. You're responsible for your own decisions. Don't break the law.
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